Oh, Google Plus

Oh Google+ I want to love you, really I do. But, sweetie, you’re just so… awkward. And, frankly, a little unpleasant. I just know there’s a well dressed grown-up hiding in there somewhere behind that cobbled together hand me down post-adolescent interface that seems to be the only thing in your closet.

Come on now, don’t be shy. It’s time to go ask your dads for a real makeover by a professional stylist. Because your Aunt Dolores (who has clearly been choosing your clothes and doing your hair from the time you were an infant) just doesn’t have the chops for it any more.

No offense to any other aunties out there named Dolores.

I know you can do it, Plus. Your dads are so much cooler than Facebook’s dad. And no one even likes her! Seriously. FB has no friends. Not real ones, anyway. Stop competing with her and just be your own wonderful self.

Imagine a world where millions of people come to see you every day because they actually love you–and NOT just because you’re the only alternative to hanging out with the mean girl.

Oh, Plus... You're Too Serious.

Oh, Plus… You’re Too Serious.

There. Now aren’t you just ever so motivated?

So go on. What are you waiting for? Introduce yourself to some hip designers (like Rae Kaiser, from Outside The Line, who designed that “G” above… although she probably never expected to see it wearing skin tight bubble print pants). Wash your face. Get a sassy haircut. And buy yourself some cute clothes already. You can’t imagine how delighted we’ll all be to say hello to the new you.

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